Isaac Tobias

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me at this point. I moved to a different city and yet I still feel like trash. It's funny because everyone looks at me as this fox who's always happy and always having fun and yet it's nothing like that. Maybe I should tell someone how I feel? Nah, it's not like anyone would actually give a damn. Everyone just wants you to listen to what they have to say and if you do say what's on your mind then you're just labeled as a whiner and a complainer. Maybe I can leave something about myself for those who honestly care? I don't know, well if you see this then maybe you can learn a little about this dumb orange fox.

My childhood wasn't any different from your's or anyone else. I was a simple pup who just wanted to spend time with friends and nothing else. I was happy with whatever I got and honestly, what kid wasn't happy with that? Sure we whined and complained about that new toy we saw our neighbor have but we really didn't want it just to have it. We wanted to have it because someone else had it. And really, that's most of us for the rest of our lives. How often have we said we wanted something because we thought, hm, now that would be nice to have? Most of the time we just want something because we see others having fun with it. And when you really think about it like that, we all just seem like giant kids. It's funny in a way but I'm getting off topic.

When I look back at my youth, I miss the times where I was so happy. Never did I have to worry about the next time I would be sad or when the next frustrating part of my life would come. The same things I had back then I still have today, well except my parents but that's another story that you'll soon here. But back then, it was pretty much just me, Chester, Stacy, and my parents. Stacy was the friend I would often visit whenever I got home and Chester was the friend I had in school that I shared my toys and other things with. Really, not much has changed since then.

My friendship with Chester has always been a good one. As kids we were fairly nice to each other actually. A lot of times we could be seen assisting each other and actually cooperating to get things done. We were innocent kids who had fun and cared a lot for the well beings of others. Hell, back then Chester use to show affection and feelings for anyone who needed help back then. The way he made people smile was very admirable and part of me wanted to make others happy the way he did. I guess that's where me wanting to make people happy came from. Chester seemed so happy doing it and others were happy with receiving help that I thought maybe I could help as well? But what kinda fool I must of been to believe that. Kids don't take advantage of others and use their friends for their own personal needs. If only I were to have known back then...maybe....just maybe I would be living a better life.

Speaking of living a good life, Stacy always had a lovable life in my eyes. When I was a kid she use to be taller than I was but that was because she was four years older than I was so of course she had more time to grow then I did. But I never really cared about being taller than Stacy as everyday after school I would look forward to having Stacy walk me home as we proceeded to spend the rest of our day together. My parents loved Stacy a lot and trusted her as if she was a fellow fox. Whenever they left out to go do anything they would always have Stacy come over to watch me and never did I ever get bored of having her around. She made me feel so special on the inside and led me to believe that she would always be there for me whenever I needed her the most. But I soon found out that wasn't going to be the case.

Counting her move to Griffon City I believe Stacy moved at least three times. The first time was when we were kids and her parents had received a better job over at San Diego. The news was quite shocking to me I was curious as to how far San Diego was as I thought, maybe I could still walk to her? Surely it couldn't be that far right? But being a kid, you believe anything is possible as you never want to look at the ugly side of things. Apparently San Diego wasn't anywhere near Louisiana and it looked like I would soon be losing my best friend for good. I cried an awful lot that day as I didn't want to say goodbye to this friend who made me feel special. It was hard for her to say goodbye as well but she took it way easier than I did and told me I had to be strong if we would ever meet again. With a kiss on the forehead, we parted ways as after that I thought to myself that maybe one day we could meet again.

Stacy's departure wasn't something I took well but with time I slowly started to get better and feel as if things weren't that bad. My parents comforted me the best way they knew how and it seemed as if things would soon be heading back to the way they use to be. But with Stacy now gone, that made me wonder just who would be that friend I spend all my time with now?

After getting through with elementary I was looking forward to just what would middle school be like. From what I was told and what I saw on T.V., middle school was basically the mix weird mutation of what you would eventually become and who you once were. The first life transformation would take its place here and I was curious if I was even ready for it. But luckily for me I knew I wasn't going in alone as I knew some of my old friends would also be coming with me to my new middle school.

Around this time is where me and Chester really started to bond. We were no longer just school friends who shared things with each other. We were now these two kids who watched each other's back. As most people know, bullying is something that can happen at any time in a child's life but it mainly starts to happen once they get into middle school. Luckily for kids our age, we didn't have to pay for lunch with cash. Or student I.D. worked as a lunched card and all we had to do was swipe it. Because of that, we never had to worry about "That bully stole me lunch money" crap. But that didn't really stop the problem all together.

Being scrawny and quite fragile, I use to think that Chester would be the top of guy who would get picked on a lot but somehow I never saw anyone mess with him. He naturally looked confident so I guess not many students wanted to mess with him. But I wasn't as fortunate as he was. Bullying was never something I had to worry about to badly as whenever anything did happen it wasn't anything seriously. I was pushed and shoved around a few times but never was I hit or anything bad like that. This was the time I learned that some people just won't like you for being you. Not only that but they will make you feel bad about yourself just so they could feel good about their own selves. I never understood as to why that was the case but I didn't really care.

From middle school to high school everything seemed as if it was on a designated path as what we expected out of life happened. My grades in school were always above a 3.0 average so I never had anything to worry about and since Chester was my friend I would help him whenever he needed help but it wasn't often. To add onto our growing friendship, Chester started to visit me at my house and with time he also got to know my parents. It seemed as if me and Chester were going to be friends for the rest of our lives but when I expected it the least, life struck again.

It was either late 10th grade year or early 11th grade year but somewhere around that time me and my family had to move. This was a huge bummer to find out as I was really starting to get very close with Chester. He was my best friend and the thought of losing him was something I didn't want to feel. It was also here where I remembered what it was like to have Stacy leave me and all of a sudden I felt even worse about having to move.

Parting away from home and Chester was hard but I already knew and accepted the fact that I could do nothing about it. Chester had a smile on his face the whole time as I said my goodbyes and I tried my best to do the same as I didn't want to leave him with my sorrow and sadness. He sent me off with a smile and the least I could do was return the favor.

After my departure from home, I ended up in San Diego where my life took a halt and went into the gutters. my first few months here were some of the worst times I had in my life. In my head, I told myself I had like a year or two worth of school left and because of that I was better off not trying to make friends. This quickly bit me in the butt as I often found myself sitting alone or wondering just what I was doing with my life. It turned out that not having friends was actually an awful idea and that I was a complete fool for thinking it was a good idea.

Also around this time marked the time where my family first left me. They won two tickets to some fancy cruise ship or something and honestly they just couldn't pass up the offer. Not wanting to be rude, they asked me if I wanted them to stay with me but I knew they could use all the free time they could get and decided to let them go out and have fun. If only I were to have said no that day.....

With my parents gone, I was now friendless and parentless. This showed me that living alone wasn't my thing and that I should maybe try and made some new friends. The process was VERY slow but with time came friends. Being completely honest, I am happy with some of the friends I had in past. They helped me get to know myself way better and were there for me just to have some fun. But at the same time I made some friends who I honestly can't list as who am I to talk about someone and not directly mention them? Some were just friends who wanted stuff from me or were upset at stuff that I had. But overall this was a rather enjoyable time of my life and I met some wonderful friends.

Surprisingly after all of that happened I met Stacy working at a clothes store at the local mall. We didn't really recognize each other right away but we were very happy just to be reunited again

Glad to see me again, Stacy decided to ask me some questions and one of the questions were what were my parents up to. Giving them a call, she found out that they were gone on a cruise ship to who knew where. Seeing this as her opportunity, Stacy decided to ask if she should become a legal parent guardian of mine. The process and paperwork took a few days but after a while Stacy became my official legal guardian and this would mark the start of our real family like bond.

Fast forward a few months and all of a sudden everything seemed to be going fine once again. Stacy and I were once again very close, I was usually very happy with a smile on my face, and everyone around me seemed as if they loved my company. If everything was going well then, then what happened to me?

First thing first, the old friends who I made that I spent most of my time with were slowly disappearing out of my life. I had newer friends who were also fun but they just never filled the void that my older friends' had left me. But I knew better than to complain about this as they had lives they needed to live so who was I to tell them to stop what they were doing and spend time with me?

Another thing that changed me for the worst was the relationship with my ex. Many of you likely know who he is but I won't say a name as I want to at least respect him in some way. It would be a lie if I said I didn't enjoy what we had together. Everyday we would see each other and smile at how much we cared for each other. He loved me and I loved him but there were always some obvious flaws that made him seem like a questionable choice. A lot of the times he seemed very forceful as and did things just because he wanted to do them. Not to mention that he never learned from any of his mistakes and me being dumb kept giving him chances. All I wanted to do was help him because I knew he wasn't trying to be an ass or ignorant on purpose. He was just that way because he was either born or raised like that and I wanted to help. But at the same time I should of drawn a line somewhere. But even with all of the joy we had together and all of the fun, I wouldn't choose to relive any of that. The words I told him never really made it to his brain and somehow the one time I did something wrong it spelled the end of our friendship all together. I'm pretty sure he still hates me for what I did but that's something I don't care about. I forgave him for mistake after mistake like an idiot and yet I was the one who hurt him.

But on a brighter note, the final thing I should probably discuss before we talk about my mentality is when Stacy left me....again. Stacy wasn't the type of bunny who would take off of work just to have fun. Most of the time the fun came to her and she enjoyed working at her job. But that didn't mean she enjoyed everything about it. There came a week where Stacy was constantly coming home tired and exhausted. She would always tell me how she had some rude customer tell her that something was wrong with the store and that she wasn't treating them fairly. Hearing this constantly for like a week took a toll on my little friend and Stacy needed something to relax her mind. When it came to thinking of vacation spots, I recommended Griffon City as the few times I went there were always lovely. Seeing as I was able to enjoy myself there, Stacy wondered and kinda expected that maybe she would enjoy it as well.

This seemed to be the case as her first day there she gave me a call and told me just how much fun she was having in the city. It seemed like the vacation idea was already a success but I wasn't ready for the news that soon came with it. After a week of staying in Griffon City I received a call from her saying that she would be staying over there from now on. This news kinda shook me a little but once again I couldn't say no. She sounded so happy and I didn't want to take that happiness from her. I told her go ahead as I knew she would love it but I knew I wouldn't like it to much. But I wasn't a selfish fox so hearing that her move made her even happier brought a smile to my face as it meant all was good in life.

Now that we got that history lesson out the way, I guess I can explain a little about my mentality and what things bother me. First of all, I have problems with expressing my problems. Like I have a hard time openly saying I need help with a lot of stuff. In my head I think I can do anything that involves only me but in reality I can't. There are so many problems I have and I know the solution to them all but yet what am I doing to stop those problems? It's like the inner man in me is saying to never accept help and to do everything all by myself. It's not the best mindset in the world and honestly the only reason I still do this is because I feel like no one can really help me with my stress and problems. Maybe if I was confident that people could help me then surely I wouldn't be as problematic.

Another thing that bothers me a lot is that most people really aren't that loyal to you. If you have nothing to offer them then odds are they stop caring for you. So many people try to be my friend but it's usually because they want something out of me. This really discourages me from wanting to make to many friends so I try to keep my numbers low and only really get to meet a few friends personally. I wish it wasn't like this as talking with people is very fun, but it seems as if talking is to much work for most people and they rather just take something from you instead.

Finally, I guess this could be the one and only time I ever bring this up ever again. It's not to often anyone asks me about my parents but in all honesty I miss them so much. They just disappeared one day and I honestly have no clue as to what really happened to them. The only things I can think of is them dying or just leaving me behind to defend for myself. Both are shitty scenarios where I just want to cry but until I hear about anything, I'll never know. I always told people that my parents left me to go do stuff because I was always to afraid to accept that they could possibly be dead. If they aren't dead then where are they? Why haven't they called back to check on their only son? I miss them so much and just want to see them again. Just thinking of my parents makes me feel terrible as I know I could have avoided all of this had I told them to stay home with me.Maybe one day I can find out about their whereabouts but at this point I highly doubt it.

So yeah, that's pretty much me in a way. A young fox who constantly mourns over the good good old days of where I was always happy with no reasoning for being sad. I doubt many people would actually read all of this but for those of you who did, thank you. I'm not this perfect guy who'll tell you what you wanna hear as I lost to much from doing that. I try my best to be honest with everyone when it really matters. Hold those you cherish deeply close to you as you never know when something could happen to them.